I took an unintended hiatus from writing this year. There was much on my heart to write about, and much going on in my life to tell, however the words wouldn’t seem to come. I felt I needed to seek God more, and at times, I was overcome, consumed with learning what He was teaching me through this life. Admittedly, there were also times when I felt sidelined…by my doubts.
Doubt is something I sometimes struggle with, and that is no easy admission. I take my faith and my calling very seriously, so to admit I sometimes struggle to believe in God’s goodness in my life, his faithfulness to me, is something that often makes me feel ashamed. Yet I’m sharing it now, because maybe a lot of you struggle with the same thing and feel alone. You are not.
I don’t think we would be human if we did not doubt from time to time. Thomas the Apostle doubted, and many notable Christian leaders have admitted struggles with doubt. But it is choosing to go on in the face of doubt that produces faith. I’ve had bouts with these feelings off and on for most of my adult life, but these past few years have deepened my faith more than ever before.
With everything I learn, I am committed to teach. These lessons are not just for me and my life; they are not just personally significant. I believe these lessons are to share. So I have plans to share them with my children, and now I share them with you.
I want to tell you the whole story of how in the face of my doubts, fears, and even disobedience, God has consistently showed up for me in such big ways. He challenges me and blesses me, beyond my wildest dreams, in spite of my doubts. In one way after another, He has proven to me not only his existence in my life, but His deep love for me. He has been patient with me despite my continued questioning of Him, even while He answered prayer, after answered prayer, after prayer.
I think it’s a pretty good story so far, with lots of ups and downs. It’s a story of triumph-not mine, but God’s. And now, I’m ready to tell it.